How to Overcome Shyness

• Shy: being reserved or having or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people.

Shyness is an emotion many people suffer from at some time. It creates awkwardness in social situations and can damage our job prospects. Some people may feel their shyness is incurable - "I'm just a shy person". Others may even feel there is nothing wrong with being shy, they may equate it to a type of modesty. However, we can definitely overcome shyness. It is also very much worth doing because shyness does not help us in anyway. It is not really about being modest and humble; shyness is primarily about covering up our natural state of being; if anything it is a false modesty.

Overcoming Shyness

1. Look upon shyness as a thing to overcome.

If we consciously or subconsciously cherish our shyness, we will never be able to overcome it. We should feel that shyness prevents us from becoming the person that we really are. Shyness is like a veil that hides our spontaneity and natural vivacity. If we see shyness as a bad thing, we will be in a position to try and overcome it.

2. Do not Fear Failure or Success.

Shyness often occurs as a result of our fear of failing. We worry about what people may think, so we drawback and try to hide in the background. Similar to the fear of failure is a fear of success. We are concerned that if we stand out from the crowd we will attract criticism or unwanted intrusion into our life. By hiding our real self, we can slip into anonymity. However, if we constantly prevent ourselves from revealing our true self, we will never feel satisfaction, but just cherish regrets.

3. Develop a oneness with others.

The root of shyness is due to the fact that we feel separated from other people. Our mind can lead us to believe that other people are quick to judge and condemn us. However, if we can change our attitude we will lose this sense of seperativity. Rather than expecting the worst from other people, identify with their good qualities. It is ironic that when we develop this sense of oneness with others, they often seek to reciprocate it.

4. Be Yourself.

If you can develop the confidence to be yourself you will not worry about what people think. Shyness is often synonymous with trying to be something we are not. The secret is to have confidence in yourself. People will generate more respect for you, when you are yourself. Speaking on shyness, Sri Chinmoy says:

"When we see a little child who is extremely shy, we feel that this child is very cute. Unfortunately, from the spiritual point of view, shyness is not a good quality at all. When you express shyness, you outwardly pretend to be what you are not, and you inwardly try to draw all the world’s admiration and attention." [1]

5. Humour.

Don't take life too seriously. If we happen to say slightly the wrong thing or even make a fool of ourselves, no lasting harm occurs. Many years ago, my English teacher told me that if we were nervous and shy about speaking in front of people, we should imagine they are all seated on the toilet. He argued this humorous mental image would make us smile and lighten our mood. I have never perfected this visualisation technique - such an image doesn't appeal somehow. But, I think he made a telling point that if we can force ourselves to smile and laugh, alot of our nervous tension will be released. This will reduce our shyness

6. Patience.

If we are by nature shy, don't expect to overcome it straightaway. If we do still feel shy don't get disheartened. Try to gradually reduce the amount by which we feel shy in various circumstances.

[1] From: Sri Chinmoy Answers

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